The "Bush Means Luv" Rants

October 18th 2004 to April 7th 2005
Some thoughts on the upcoming election...

   a bush fan at work put a little cardboard thing in his office showing "mr. flip flop", with a caricature of john kerry.
   this got me thinking...  i thought, "if kerry is mr. flip flop, then what is bush?"
   the answer appeared to me reasonably quickly...  bush is mr. flop, in my opinion.  he's a failed businessman striving to test the limits of the peter principle to a degree never before attempted.
   then i tried to represent in visual form exactly what it really means to be mr. flop.  i have included my amateurish efforts below...
   please forgive me if this is yet another bowl of angry flakes for anyone.  i just think the "mr. flip flop" thing has gotten a little stupid by now.  would someone who does not flip flop ever change his mind?  about anything?  anyway...

a real flop

   i'm not really sure that dubya is mentally or physically challenged, or mutantarily dysengineered, or whatever the proper term is nowadays.  i admit that if it were simply a race between two imbeciles, that people would tend to vote for the moron closer to their own politics.
   i just can't fathom how there could be many folks buying the official position, which seems to be  that the bush administration is a perfectly accurate, always unflawed, super-intelligent, world fixer that has only been thwarted by unavoidable circumstances (not acts of god though) and by bad people who hate liberty (most of whom work for the CIA).  it seems to me that it is more than an alternate world view (maybe a pop psychosis?) to be thinking that the bush administration has done anything approaching a good job for "us" these last few years.
   i hope we do all get to see what history has to say about the y2k crash of the world political machine.  being proven severely wrong would be just fine with me.

but it seems really unlikely.

[posted 10/18/2004]

May 8th to October 17th 2004
from a recent open letter to the president, dubya q. shrubbery bush, xiii.

    I have seen no better example of unAmerican behavior from this administration than the recent abuses at Abu Ghraib.

    First of all, it was a highly questionable idea to re-open a prison which resonates in the Iraqi mind as a sort of Satanic Bastille.  Could there have been a worse place to turn into a creche for a _new_ regime of torture?

    Secondly, what kind of mutants have we allowed into the military that they think this kind of behavior is anything but blatantly _evil_?  Did not the Creator imbue with life all men and women on the earth, rather than just Americans?  What terrible misunderstanding of compassion allows the military to think it is above basic secular and holy laws in this way?

    How can a president who presumes himself righteous be at the top of a chain of command that has allowed these excesses?  If you were a righteous man in reality, Mr President, you would admit your failures and step down from this office.  Where does the buck stop if not with you, Mr. President?
                --Zebediah Q. Public

    (posted 5/8/2004 -- marching into the future we will go -- can't we stop marching on this trail of tears yet?)

January 23rd to February 3rd 2001
tired of knowing
politics are poison,
but it has to be said...

dubya bush will lead
to lower expectations
at every level

January 9th to January 22nd 2001
smirking idiot
drools on oval office desk
while country expires
brave new president
laughs as he pulls death switch for
the innocents too
they call me a shrub
but i shrug and ask daddy
for black ops killing
redacted due to
ongoing free speech breakdown
september 'aught four
moron ever known on earth:
gee dubya bee, dude.
bush bipartisan
means "we do it my way" and
bend over for me
smiling lies, dumb looks,
idea-free, insults all,
my prez--GWB!


December 22nd 2000 to January 8th 2001
  • GWB: Gee, Santama Claus, what did you bring me for Christmas?
  • Santa: A close election, lad!  We bullied Florida into not recounting the ballots completely and that sewed it up for you!  Do you like it?
  • GWB: Is that you Dad?
  • For Christmas, Santa Claus brought Gruntose (1) a natural gas power plant practically in his backyard, (2) probably the most ign'ant mcnugget president we have had yet or are likely to have, (3) a feast of hairballs to tide us over the holidays.  Here are your delicious cyanide cookies, Santa...
    Some of our favorite images of the holidays have been included below for your enjoyment.


    December 9th to December 21st 2000
    Since it doesn't look like we got a pre-toasted President with the good vibe, it's very important that we help to prevent GW Bush from being a terrible raging imbecile of a president.
    "Too late," many of you might now say.
    "Damage control," I would quirkily quip back.
    I couldn't think of any way to aid mini-Bush's suitability for the job until I hit upon this one:
    Give the Bloke a Toke!
    Every time you people do a bong hit or smoke a joint, why don't you send some of those mellowed out, smooth tasting, herbal, calm vibes at GW Bush?  Now look, I know he doesn't deserve it.  But think about what's at stake; the safety of the almost-kinda-free world we live in.  If you care about America, send your doped-up vibes to GW Bush so hopefully some of his more fubar attitudes don't morph into fascist national policies.  God willing, it will keep him from incinerating us all!
      -- Alouicious Stokington, contributing editor
    Note: No illegal activity is being recommended by Gruntose or even the Author; the request above apparently only regards those illegal activities you were already planning on doing.


    November 25th to December 8th 2000
  • This whole thing has gone on way too long.  But that's not news really, is it?  Well, maybe one more comment...
  • Gilligan wakes up from a horrible dream about a shipwreck to find himself in yet another fantastic dream...  Gilligan is U.S. President for a Day!  It's a comical new series from POX Network in which the new President does something wacky and/or funny every week.  In every show he wakes up and finds yesterday was just a nightmare...  A nightmare which has begun anew this morning too!  Will he accidentally launch Armageddon?  Tune in each week to find out!

  • November 12th to 24th 2000...
    • It is like watching a washing machine get out of kilter...  Start to vibrate spasmodically...  And get so out of balance that it rips itself to shreds internally...  Pieces flying every which way...  That's our democratic process.
    • My shame these last few days has not been that our electoral process is fried...  That's a pre-existing condition and you get no coverage for it.  My shame arises from like 49 million of you voting for Dan Quayle's retarded cousin from Texas .  Were you unable to see past the Alfred E. Neuman smiles and winks to find that head stuffed with mutton hiding behind them?
    • Enough divisiveness.  Can't we all just get along?  Let's all get behind causes that we can completely agree upon.  Here are some I'm thinking of investing in:
      • The Sunlight Is Bright Foundation
      • Water Is Wet Action Committee
      • The Cause for Turnips as a Root Vegetable

    November 6th to 11th 2000...
  • Can the choice of a pot-smoking arch-liberal over a coke-snorting arch-dumbass really make a difference?  You bet.  You'd better believe it.  When I picture my president, I want to feel like he'd be all relaxed...  We definitely don't need that SOB (Son of Bush) Mr. GWB Jones with his twitchy, stinky finger poised over the giant, red, candy-like button, folks.
  • What can you say about " compassionate conservatives" that hasn't already been said about 1930s era National Socialists in Germany?  (well, the Nazis at least could speak fluently in their native language...)
  • Does Gruntose plan to move to another country if GW Bush is elected?  No.  We're pretty sure that the US of America would quickly devolve to a third world country...  so why waste the plane fare?  Check out how great Texas is doing for a taste of the American TrailerParkBeerGutLand that might be our future.
  • PS: Vote Gore !  Save our human rights and our excellent economy from the abysmal, ruthless and relentless stupidity brokers.


    November 2nd to 5th 2000...
  • G.W. Bush determined to be immorally mining mineral resources in the Isthmus of Bugeria!  Catch the film here or here .
  • Radical criminalization of the populace continues unabated.  The democrapublians squeal discordantly at a unity of purpose originally described here.
  • Right wing or left wing got you down, birdman?  Read the oft overlooked and not very political gospel of Saint Johnny Appleseed and Pious P.T. Barnum here.
  • GOP members are sporting compassionately fuzzy chihuahua-skin codpieces during this winter fashion season, but is it too soon to invest in Satan?  Get the analysis here.